Do you find it hard to relax? Sounds crazy but lots of people do. We live our lives at such a cracking pace these days finding balance and “time” for relaxation can feel like just another chore? It’s like you know you need to do it and you know you will really, really enjoy it but somehow we have forgotten or we find it difficult to allow ourselves to truly take time out and rejuvenate our “batteries”.

Recently I had the wonderful opportunity of going away on “retreat” with my husband. We decided that we wanted the time together to connect in a peaceful, restorative environment. We felt Gaia at Brooklet would be a divine location for this to take place.

My Mother-in-law flew up from Sydney to look after our munchkins – so that responsibility was all taken care of and Hubby took the Friday off work so we could start the weekend early. It was crazy even with all the planning I felt like we were jigging school? You know that guilty feeling like you are doing something wrong?

I needed to remind myself that taking care of ourselves is the most important way we can help others. We need to ensure that our own “well of health” is full to support others, work efficiently and be an active, positive member of the community. Feelings of guilt do not serve anyone, primarily it is harmful to yourself and is self-sabotaging. Honour yourself to truly have a rejuvenating break and those around you will respect your time out too. They will understand when you believe you deserve it yourself.

So we jumped in the car and headed down the coast. The drive was fast and as we drove away from our day to day responsibilities we unloaded the practicalities of life with each other – what is going on with the kids at school, what Hubby is up to at work, etc .. We arrived at Newrybar, a cute little town with a famous cafe for a late lunch and a stretch. I always think of unloading as a female coping mechanism but I think this is sexist, both men and women can benefit from sharing without getting advice in return you could also call it non-judgemental sharing or active listening like a counsellor offers. This helps with connection and validates the other persons value and importance – being heard and then in turn allows that person to truly unwind during their “time out”.

As we arrived at the gate of Gaia Retreat and Spa for our weekend I started feeling a little nervous . Health retreats are my world not his – will this work? Will he hate it? The softly spoken welcome lady was making me even more nervous as I side glanced at Hubby he gave me a reassuring smile as a gentle reminder we cannot control how others feel. How people act is their responsibility, how we respond is ours. This is true not only during taking time out but in all aspects of our lives. If we are truly in our heart space we can hold space for ourselves and others, this skill allows others to express their feelings without owning them, we allow that person and ourselves to heal and grow.

We settled into our room and relaxed into each others company, as I breathed deeply in and out I felt a shift to being present, I thought this is going to be great, we need this not only as a couple but as individuals too.

“Being here in the now” i.e. mindfulness has been scientifically proven to reduce stress and create happiness. People who take regular mindful moments are more likely to be focused and attentive, while feeling peaceful and relaxed – sounds like the perfect recipe for a time out to me!

Alas, the trouble with these amazing Health Retreats is that I always want to do everything that they have scheduled (FOMO). By this stage I had talked Hubby into scheduling in the yoga with me the next morning followed by breakfast and a hike – hold up, no, no alarms, no schedules that is everyday life for us, lets just see how we feel and go from there !

Going with the flow reminded me of the concept of “in time” instead of “on time”. Being on holidays is the perfect time to experiment with this highly recommended concept, we find our internal clock and find our natural flow. Basically you just find your flow, you have a schedule but it takes its own form from task to task. I highly recommend trying it, it always amazes me how much more relaxed I feel and also surprisingly I am still “on time” without the rushing.

We had such a fantastic first day – together and apart, sleeping in, eating organic, nourishing food, hiking, workout at the gym, eating again, a massage together then going our seperate ways for some individual time out then meeting back up in time for a divine sound meditation. A perfect way to end the day, I recently read a fantastic study by Harvard University regarding the benefits of combining vacationing with meditation the results we impressive (see attached link below).

Spending the afternoon doing our own thing was a great way to enjoy some time apart, consolidate what we had experienced so far on our little retreat and then come back together to enjoy the evening in each others company.

TIME OUT is a great way of regenerating energy and clearing the mind. I am truly grateful of the time Hubby and I shared. Unfortunately we can’t go to a specialised retreat every weekend, we can, however, make time out as simple as 5 minutes in between tasks; no technology at lunchtime (mindful eating); a cup of tea and cool tunes in the evening (instead of staring at the telly); book a day retreat; or a simple chill out day at home – create your own retreat by turn off the social media and sink into time out bliss!

The seven easy steps to truly taking time out:

Step 1 – mentally prepare

Step 2 – be present

Step 3 – try being “in time”

Step 4 – enjoy your own company

Step 5 – reflection

Step 6 – create your own “Retreat” space (including no screens)

Step 7 – book in regularly

The health benefits of time out are huge – it is scientifically proven that those that factor in relaxation time work more efficiently, have less stress and are therefore happier in life – so as they say take time out to smell the roses.

Sending you peace during your time out..

Love Danielle xo

Growing up an Aussie girl in the Western Suburbs of Sydney I learnt quickly that no one likes a “love -o” you would hear things such as “she is stuck up” “she thinks she is better than us”, etc so it was not exactly a breeding ground of healthy self esteem. Then as a young adult working in the corporate sector the term “Tall Poppy Syndrome” got thrown around a lot, again rather than celebrating someones successes or beauty people tended to put them down.

Even in my youth I felt an injustice but still struggled with my own self worth as you often do at that age without strong role models around to support you on your journey through adolesences and early adulthood.

We may be a culture of putting ourselves and others down – but this isn’t funny when it can effect not only our mental health but in turn can manifest into physical ones as well. A study at UCLA showed that self-efficacy actually causes a chemical change in the brain — it releases a chemical called catecholamine, which triggers a set of physiological reactions. In turn causing physical problems such as chronic pain, headaches, respiratory infections, and digestive problems such ulcers, and Irritable Bowel Syndrome and lowers our immune system making us more susceptible to viruses and disease.

Love yourself and boost your immune system! Sounds good right!

Here are some ways you can improve your self love today:

* Have faith in yourself. Positive affirmations can help, really look at yourself in the mirror each day and say I love you!

“ I am perfectly imperfect. I strive for better while loving all that I am today. In loving myself today, I am better equipped to improve myself tomorrow.”

* Encourage others. “I am so proud of you! Well Done!”

* Take pride in your appearance. Feel good about your physical appearance.

* Take a class or take up a hobby – Challenging yourself intellectually/spiritually/ physically..

*each day “gift yourself” this could be as little as sitting for 5 minutes in the sun with a tea or as luxurious as booking in a facial or massage – do it without feeling guilty!

* Acknowledge positive traits in yourself as well as others. Compliment yourself and others

*let your inner beauty shine

* Set goals, but be realistic and allow yourself room to succeed.

“The importance of self love, self care and self compassion are extremely important in self preservation, growth and our overall health.”

If you experienced trauma as a child this process is not a simple one, I would recommend getting support from a professional. Self Worth and Love needs to come from a deep, authentic place within your heart, it’s true sometimes we can fake it till we make it but for real transformation to a place of love can take time and work.

So personally, although I have always supported and celebrated the successes of others, it took me a while and lot of “self” work to be able to confidently say, “I am worthy, I am intelligent and I am beautiful- I love myself”.

Love Danielle Danielle is a Counsellor with a passion for womens health and wellbeing. She is available for one to one mentoring and holds workshops to support you to remember.